Friday, February 20, 2009

Truth in Advertising

While perusing the Internet this afternoon, in search of news on the legendary Kelly Clarkson and her not yet announced new tour, I came across an advertisement informing me of the aforementioned legend's IQ.


I questioned the intrusive and seemingly impossible advertisement which contends that the creator of the ad has either gotten on Kelly's super-busy schedule to administer the test or legally obtained documents proving the score. Thus I decided to investigate further. As I dug deeper and deeper into the Truth in Advertising standards created by the FTC, I came across the following section simply entitled, The Internet. It stated:
Every word, sentence and picture displayed in an advertisement on the Internet is true. Given its broad reach, the Internet is closely monitored by both the FTC and FCC and users should feel secured that anything they are offered, whether or not they are asked to provide monetary recourse, is in fact a valid and legitimate legal contract. All statements and claims have been thoroughly checked and researched. Caveat emptor does not apply to the Internet.
After reading that I felt assured. So I decided to find out what other IQ tests I could find. I ventured over to ESPN and noticed that they had the IQ of the fans of every major college program. Listed below for your viewing pleasure are the IQs of Big East fans.

Now, to be completely fair and unbiased, as is the goal of any analysis put forth in this blog, I checked each school three times and chose the lowest score that appeared at least twice. I also doubled checked against non-Big East schools to make sure the range of scores made sense holistically. Harvard had an average IQ of 128, which seems reasonable. Duke had an average IQ of 99, which again seems on par. I have always questioned the intelligence of any student willing to blindly and unconditionally follow a coach that preaches seeking the audible and shriek sympathy of partial referees through exaggerated, voluntary and self-induced loss of body control (i.e. flopping). Also, I hear there is lead in the face paint.

School / Avg. IQ
Providence - 120
Notre Dame - 114
Georgetown - 113
Syracuse - 109
Marquette - 105
Pittsburgh - 104
Villanova - 103
St. John's - 103
Cincinnati - 103
West Virginia - 103
Louisville - 101
South Florida - 101
Connecticut - 101
Depaul - 99
Rutgers - 98
Seton Hall - 97

Here's what the scores mean:
*Over 140 - Genius or near genius
*120 - 140 - Very superior intelligence
*110 - 119 - Superior intelligence
*90 - 109 - Normal or average intelligence
*80 - 89 - Dullness
*70 - 79 - Borderline deficiency
*Under 70 - Definite feeble-mindedness

Congrats to Friars fans. You guys are way smart brosefs.


Good talk.

2 comments:

Hoya Suxa said...

Smart people like Rhode Island? Is there something in the Dell's Lemonade?

I call shenanigans.

T^3 said...

You are so weird.

Let me know how much the Kelly tickets cost, also.

T^3